Here are some pictures from my last day in Japan. Emotional as it was, it was also amazing and a day that I will never forget.
Amanda and Moka Chan (9 months)
Amanda with 4 and 5 year olds singing at the surprise Sayonara Amanda Sensei!! party
Amanda and Miki (4 years) saying goodbyeSayonara Japan
Friday, June 27, 2008
Coming to Japan I knew what was at stake. I knew that I was going to gain a lot, but I also knew that I could possibly have a lot to lose. As I reflect on my journey this year, I am reminded over and over again that every journey has its ups and downs because that is just a part of life. I am also reminded that there is a bigger plan out there for me, for everyone. This year has been full of happiness and sometimes laced with sadness, but above all I have grown to know myself better as a person and my true purpose in life.
The people I have met and the places I have been this year have proven to be invaluable experiences. The people I have lost in my life will forever be etched upon my heart. Japan was a theme park of emotions with so many different people from so many different walks of life contributing to feelings on a daily basis. I was always on a rollercoaster, riding a wild and thrilling ride, never knowing where it would take me next.
This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. It ranks up there with some of the worst and some of the best. If you have never been in a situation like this, leaving a place where you have made friends and even been part of a family, to go somewhere else you will never understand the pain and the joy that are mixed together. My words can’t even describe this feeling. There are only a handful of people I know who can understand what I am going through right now.
This week I started saying my goodbyes. I have been so good to keep my chin up and not cry, but as I sit on the train, my last train ride to school, I find myself breaking down. I see the familiar faces of the people who I ride with every day. I have never spoken to them, but we know each other and we notice the absence of each other. I wonder of next week they will notice that I am not here. Will they wonder where I am when I don’t show up for a few days?
The schools that I go to are full of amazing people. The teachers are full of life and yearning to always learn knew things. They want me to tell them stories and they love to ask questions. Saying goodbye to them was very hard. We have become more than colleagues, we have become friends. The little English that they had in the beginning has grown to where now we can have conversations and even tell jokes. They understand my personality and have learned to lose the uptight Japanese stature and laugh along with me when something is funny. These strong women have learned from me that it is okay to relax a bit and just talk sometimes; you don’t have to spend every minute of the day working so hard.
The children that I have been blessed with the opportunity to teach will forever be in my heart. As I said my goodbyes to all of my classes this week, they each gave my little hugs and kisses. Every class gave me a homemade present with pictures and drawings. These are my treasures from Japan. Telling them goodbye was heartbreaking because I know that I probably will never see them again. Seeing their little faces, hearing the goodbyes, and even seeing some tears really touched me. I have impacted these children in a way that not many people can understand. We might not speak the same language when it comes to out national language, but we definitely speak the same language when it comes to love. We have made books, pizza, bubbles, soup, costumes, played games, and so much more. I have so many documented memories with pictures, but it has also been documented in my heart. I have seen babies come to school for the first time at 6 months and watch them learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand up, and walk. I am forever a part of these little lives and I thank God for this experience.
It’s not easy to leave this world that I leave in and go back to my other life. I am scared to go back. I have been gone for a year and the people I love have been living their lives without me, just as I have been living without them. Some of them have moved on and have not included me. As much as this hurts, I have to accept it because in my heart, I just wish for everyone’s happiness. Others are eagerly anticipating my arrival. I am nervous to be with all of these people again because of all of the changes that I have made in my life this year. I worry about being a different person and others being different from a year apart.
I trust that God will lead me down the right path. So far He hasn’t failed me. Sometimes I question why, but then I have to remember that this is just a little part of my life and I need to just ride it out. Not to sound egotistical, but I am not an ordinary person. I have accomplished many things and I know that I am meant to do much more. My choice to come to Japan was not a hard one except for when it came to leaving the people I loved. I had a great friend say to me, “Amanda, if you don’t get on that plane, I will PUT you on that plane.” I am forever grateful of the support of my family and friends and all of those in my life who have helped me through this.
As I thought at this time last year, a chapter of my life is closing and a new one is about to open…except I don’t really know it that’s true. Nothing ever really closes; it is all open for you to come back to. I hope to one day show everyone the world through my eyes because it truly is a more beautiful place to be.
The people I have met and the places I have been this year have proven to be invaluable experiences. The people I have lost in my life will forever be etched upon my heart. Japan was a theme park of emotions with so many different people from so many different walks of life contributing to feelings on a daily basis. I was always on a rollercoaster, riding a wild and thrilling ride, never knowing where it would take me next.
This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. It ranks up there with some of the worst and some of the best. If you have never been in a situation like this, leaving a place where you have made friends and even been part of a family, to go somewhere else you will never understand the pain and the joy that are mixed together. My words can’t even describe this feeling. There are only a handful of people I know who can understand what I am going through right now.
This week I started saying my goodbyes. I have been so good to keep my chin up and not cry, but as I sit on the train, my last train ride to school, I find myself breaking down. I see the familiar faces of the people who I ride with every day. I have never spoken to them, but we know each other and we notice the absence of each other. I wonder of next week they will notice that I am not here. Will they wonder where I am when I don’t show up for a few days?
The schools that I go to are full of amazing people. The teachers are full of life and yearning to always learn knew things. They want me to tell them stories and they love to ask questions. Saying goodbye to them was very hard. We have become more than colleagues, we have become friends. The little English that they had in the beginning has grown to where now we can have conversations and even tell jokes. They understand my personality and have learned to lose the uptight Japanese stature and laugh along with me when something is funny. These strong women have learned from me that it is okay to relax a bit and just talk sometimes; you don’t have to spend every minute of the day working so hard.
The children that I have been blessed with the opportunity to teach will forever be in my heart. As I said my goodbyes to all of my classes this week, they each gave my little hugs and kisses. Every class gave me a homemade present with pictures and drawings. These are my treasures from Japan. Telling them goodbye was heartbreaking because I know that I probably will never see them again. Seeing their little faces, hearing the goodbyes, and even seeing some tears really touched me. I have impacted these children in a way that not many people can understand. We might not speak the same language when it comes to out national language, but we definitely speak the same language when it comes to love. We have made books, pizza, bubbles, soup, costumes, played games, and so much more. I have so many documented memories with pictures, but it has also been documented in my heart. I have seen babies come to school for the first time at 6 months and watch them learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, stand up, and walk. I am forever a part of these little lives and I thank God for this experience.
It’s not easy to leave this world that I leave in and go back to my other life. I am scared to go back. I have been gone for a year and the people I love have been living their lives without me, just as I have been living without them. Some of them have moved on and have not included me. As much as this hurts, I have to accept it because in my heart, I just wish for everyone’s happiness. Others are eagerly anticipating my arrival. I am nervous to be with all of these people again because of all of the changes that I have made in my life this year. I worry about being a different person and others being different from a year apart.
I trust that God will lead me down the right path. So far He hasn’t failed me. Sometimes I question why, but then I have to remember that this is just a little part of my life and I need to just ride it out. Not to sound egotistical, but I am not an ordinary person. I have accomplished many things and I know that I am meant to do much more. My choice to come to Japan was not a hard one except for when it came to leaving the people I loved. I had a great friend say to me, “Amanda, if you don’t get on that plane, I will PUT you on that plane.” I am forever grateful of the support of my family and friends and all of those in my life who have helped me through this.
As I thought at this time last year, a chapter of my life is closing and a new one is about to open…except I don’t really know it that’s true. Nothing ever really closes; it is all open for you to come back to. I hope to one day show everyone the world through my eyes because it truly is a more beautiful place to be.
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